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Oregon Fifth Year Sketch Show + Other Videos + Article Excerpts
Oregon Fifth Year is a group with too many hilarious people to tag.
Article Excerpts
Tan Fiction: James Bond
Following the sun as it rises over the horizon, James approaches the island, anchoring his boat a few meters from the beach. Bond grabs a small rucksack from the boat as he wades towards dry land.
“Now where has Q sent me this time?” James mutters as he opens his bag on the beach.
He removes a Walther PPK, a silencer, and a 3-quarters full bottle of Maui Babe Browning Lotion...
Read more at: tanfiction.com
What could possibly make the UO rec center more dope?
The new Rec has more TV’s than a Dave and Busters. When you enter you pass through the palm-scanning walkway like you’re about to take a quick trip in a teleporter. Even the weight room attendants have iPads built into their wrists. Yet, despite of all these awesome amenities, inside the most new and marvelous building on campus, there is a glaring issue with the UO SRC.
Why the fuck is there no sauna in the new SRC?
The aforementioned Rec Center is a $50 million project with 110,000 square feet of new space. Zero square feet of this new space contains a sauna or steam room of any variety. The sauna is arguably the most essential equipment in the gym, you can sweat out booze, you can sweat out drugs, and you can sweat out fat: all without moving very much. I don’t know how the architects could have missed this glaring requirement; even 13th and Olive has a sauna. That place was built in four days, looks like a Cold War parking structure, and yet it still has a goddamn sauna (Yes, I know the sauna at 13th and Olive works just about as well as the justice system in Florida, but at least they have a sauna)...
Read more at: Updated link coming soon
Inaugural College Football Playoff Successfully Forces Southern States To Secede
Dallas, TX – In a conjoined effort stemming from just after World War I, Congress and the NCAA has finally succeeded in forcing all southern states and southern Oregon to disassociate themselves from the United States.
The secession began with the 11 states in the South Eastern Conference (SEC) and recently expanded to include North Carolina, Virginia, West Virginia, and southern Oregon.
“It took rigorous planning and lot of cooperation from coaches, but now there is no South Eastern Conference (SEC) in the college football finals, and the citizens from the South finally want nothing to do with America,” congressman Steny Hoyer said, addressing the 35 and a half loyal, patriotic states of the USA.
“We’ve been trying to get rid of Florida for decades,” NCAA Commissioner Mark Emmert commented...
Read more at: The Daily Jade